Tuesday, October 12, 2010
2 months left??
My meeting with my teacher about the half-way mark sparked some discontent with me. What am I in Vietnam for? Why am I here? What do I want to achieve or experience? All along, i have thought about this studying abroad experience just as that. Study abroad. I came here to learn about this country, school, and its people live. I feel that in the little time that I have been here, i have done a lot of things that I never knew I could do or had the courage to. Crossing a crazy traffic street, eating food on the sidewalk while sitting in a chair that I can barely squeeze into, seeing my father's hometown and the relatives' faces who I have never thought I would get a chance to meet, seeing my parents in their natural habitat, drinking bia hoi on a tuesday after classes, riding around on the back of a motorbike, xe oming it with 3 people on a bike, eating sua chua nep cam maybe 2-3 times everyday and my favorite banh mi lady around the corner every morning for breakfast. All these things are experiences big and small which I will miss when I have to go home. While at the same time, I feel that I have so far achieve what I wanted coming to Vietnam for. Which is to learn, in and outside of the classroom, through books, people, and my own experiences. So with 2 months left of this program, I have nothing else that I want to achieve. Now, with this 2 months, in a sense, I am free. I am free to do whatever I want here while I still can because in a sense I have gotten all of my goals out of the way and now I can just relax and enjoy my time here. however, there is this panicky feeling within me every time I go out now saying " this might be the last time you..." and I hate that feeling. I feel so sad when that thought pops into my head and instead of enjoying the moment, I fear when that moment is over and afraid that i will never have the chance again to live in that moment. I think this being said, I will miss Vietnam when the time comes to leave, and I do not know how I will be able to say good-bye.