Service Learning - Self and Identity

In volunteering at sao mai, there are a lot of children who come and go during the class to lessons and then there are some students who don't show up for weeks and when they do they feel out of place and don't like to go to school anymore. In my classroom, there are a couple of kids who I don't see for at least 2 weeks because they don't attend, and then they would show up the next week and feel very fussy and angry that they have to come. I asked the teachers where the children go or if there has to be a valid excuse for students not to attend class and they said that there isn't any such thing. She says that because the kids are special, that sometimes they just need a break and that how the school is runned, students don't really have grades to give out or demerits if misbehaved badly or missing classes. The parents pay for their kids to come and if there they don't come then that's up to the parents as well. In thinking of self and identity I wonder what the children will grow up to be like and how they will identify themselves. In sao mai, they practice how to develop simply life skills to take care of themselves and how to talk if they have the capacity to, but I think in a way, they try to establish a sense of self for the children as well. One of the lesson plans that the teachers do involves the student going up in front of the class and pointing their picture on a chalk board. They are asked to find their picture on the board, and then say their name and then asked for find that person in the classroom which means pointing to themselves. Other times, the are asked to find a picture of other classmates and their names and to go point to them in the classroom. I think this is to establish how to say their name and to recognize other people. In this way, I think Sao Mai does try to help the kids have a self identity. In thinking about self identity, is it really all that easy to just know your name and picture and say that you know yourself? definitely not. but at least with the kids, it is a step. But I think that the teachers should start incorporating things that the kids like to do, such as ask the kids "What does (insert name) like to eat?", What does (insert name) like to play" And then the kids can answer "I" like to do this and that. I think knowing yourself has to do with knowing what you like and don't like, and what you feel. Most of the kids do have favorite things to do. Like one kid loves to eat. and will eat anything and everything off the floor. So In terms of Sao Mai, they do try to practice and teach the children who they are, but only time will tell if the kids actually know who they are or not.

Service Learning: 12 Last Week - Thoughts and Feelings

As this whole trip is coming to an end and our service learning here, everyday I get more and more depressed about saying good bye to Vietnam and everything in it. As this is our last week, we are trying to finish up our painting project and saying good bye to our teachers, kids, and staff at sao mai. Yesterday painting was one of the most productive days we've had, getting he majority of our work done and was pleasantly surprise with the outcome of it all. We were able to have a new out look on this painting expereince as i brought us closer to other people in Sao Mai. Working in the classroom's we had the most contact with only the kids and teacher. Working on the project, we met the Bao Ve and talked a lot more with other volunteers. Leaving Sao Mai, I have to admit, I'm not completely sad about it. There have been tough times going there and volunteering dealing with the culture differences of handling disabled children and with the teachers. However, it is not that fact that I am not sadden. I am not sadden because I know that there will be plenty of volunteers to come who will want to help out Sao Mai and I can understand that there with this amount of volunteer, Sao Mai will not be without help. Basically, Sao Mai will continue to fine and run when I am not there anymore. My teachers will probably not miss me that much as I felt that there was little I could do in the classroom to help besides just chasing the children and chatting it up with them. As for the kids, they are too small and young to even remember me, but they are the ones that I am going to miss the most. They are a rowdy little bunch, but they are kids and cute none the less. Hence, my thoughts and feelings of Sao Mai has now turned to saying good bye and thank you for letting me come here and learning about how this school and the society of disabled children.

Service Learning 11: Interest

Thinking about the word interest in terms of Sao Mai, I can only think about our project that we are in the middle of completing. This painting that we are trying to take on has led to many road blocks along the way from changing colors, to changing pictures, to changing even the purpose of this project.

Starting out, we wanted to paint the playground and give it new life and color so that when kids come in and play they have this feeling of enjoyment. It was suppose to be an artwork and our contribution to Sao Mai. However, we had to stop and rethink about what it is that we are actually doing. Time is getting close and everytime we go into volunteer now, our minds are on this project because we are scared that it won't get done in time, now we're scared that it won't even get accomplished at all. We came in with the vision that we would paint the area with children running, jumping rope, doing things that are active so that when children look at the picture, they become inspired. However, we are not artist, let alone great painters. We were gonna do blue and yellow on the pillars as background colors. The background color that we have chosen was suppose to be blue so that it would be bright and stand out. Instead, we ended up choosing this baby blue color that looks identically like white. and had to paint the entire playground that blue because if we were to utilize yellow, then it would not pop. so now the whole pillars are this blue and an already opened bucket of yellow paint that is going to waste. not what we wanted. Making due with our white blue sky, we decided to incorporate the name Sao Mai and do clouds and stars. We chose a really bright shiny color blue to outline the clouds with and do red stars. Painting the clouds there was a cute choice, but when we added the red stars, we realized we were painting the colors of the American flag. we were disgustd. I think i've already mentioned this part in my other blog. So here we are, still unsure of what to do because we don't know what is in the best interest of Sao Mai or for ourselves. We have turned this into a community project along the way with other volunteers at Sao Mai helping us paint. Except, i feel that they see this painting time as a way to escape the classroom instead of in the same way that we view this project. Therefore, their interest is different than ours.

Painting the playground we are now conflicted about who's interest we should paint the playground for? It should be in the interest of Sao Mai who has to utilize this space for years to come, so we should paint it how they would want it to look like. However, their visions are different from ours because our interest are also consumed with time, space, and money. We are concerned about getting it accomplished and looking good. In the interest of Sao mai, I guess we have to keep in mind that this project was for them in the first place and secondly for us. It was originally intended for Sao Mai's interest so that their playground would be better, and the second interest was for us to contribute and give back to Sao Mai. Keeping both these interests in mind, we are now at the dilemna of what exactly to do with this playground. We have little time left, and we must complete the painting in both interests before we leave Vietnam.

Service Learning Week 10 = Individual

Time is dwindling down and there is little time left for us to complete our project. The other day we bought new paint, blue and red, in order to paint clouds and stars around the column to represent the name "Sao Mai = Morning Star." We thought this idea would have been a great one except when we realized that the colors we choose were the color of the American flag...

Looking at it this way, we were almost disgusted with the idea to continue painting. Here we are, these American Vietnamese kids going into Sao Mai with all these thoughts in our head and preconceived ideas of how improve, better, and help the institute of Sao Mai by volunteering there. And now we're going to come in and paint your playground the color of the American flag?! We did not want the people of Sao Mai to think of us in this way or look at the playground and see some kind of message like that in it. It's crazy how much one individual has that kind of power and one idea or misunderstanding or over look can possibly result into something more.

So here we are, with half done blue clouds and one giant read star along random columns, not knowing what to do with the paint some more and not knowing how to fix it. Going back into the classroom to volunteer, it got me thinking about whether or not our project would have been better served if it was somehow related to the classroom now. Being outside of the classroom and coming back in, I see a different way the teachers and students behave now. In my classroom, the newest teacher has been given more responsibilities now, however the control that she has over the children is still lacking. It's like the children know she's a noOb and so they don't pay attention or respect her as much as the other teachers, or it could be the fact that she still doesn't know how to handle them alone. Anyways, when a single person enters the classroom, one individual, it disrupts the whole program of the class. If it's a volunteer like myself, the children would be more incline to play with the new comer instead of listening to the teachers. If a new teacher comes in, then the children are around someone they are not use to and so they have to adjust and become familiar with that new individual. One extra individual in the class can change the behaviors of the others.

Service Learning Week 9? I forget - Society

Right now we are in the middle of our project for Sao Mai which is painting the out door playground of Sao Mai. In trying to paint the columns, we're faced with the dilemna of what exactly it is that we want to paint. We've had many ideas and swapped visions a lot. We finally came up with with one that incorporated the theme and name of Sao Mai within the playground. Sao Mai means morning star, so we had this idea that we would paint the columns full of clouds and shooting star to go with the theme, and to incorporate the children, have grass on the ground that would be made up of the children hands. We went up to the office to ask permission again if we could just use the children help in doing this and they said that it probably would turn out ugly because they had done the whole hand thing once before and it didn't look good. However, they liked the idea of the theme of Sao Mai being incorporated into the painting. One of the ladies who worked there walked us over to her computer where we found out she knew english and was the one doing all the translation, brochures, and presentation slides. She showed us a picture of a star that was being formed out of the hands of people where they would do like a peace sign and connect the together and that created a star. She told us the symbol behind this hand star was that society and Sao Mai want to work together and create this school, so it was a symbolic of the helping hands of society. This got me thinking about in terms of society, who helps who. I wonder who the presentation of So Mai is for because it's in English, so therefore, it probably for other people from foreign countries. Thus, it looks to the society of foreign countries for support, but just because it is from somewhere outside of Vietnam doesn't mean that the support from that society is any less. I think it terms of society, vietnam's society and foriegn countries' society work together to create on big society in order to help Sao Mai.

Service Learning: Week 8 - Toleration and Acceptance

Working in Sao Mai, there has been many ups and downs. I think in my own ways that I have become more tolerant and accepted of this place. Starting out, I had this feeling that there would be some way to contribute more in the classrooms and with the children. However, coming there I realized that there was not much I could contribute to the school, or at least in the same way as I had hoped. Working there for over 2 months now, I have become more tolerant and accepted within Sao Mai and of Sao Mai. I have come to realize that a lot of the procedures and practices of the classroom, that I use to not like, such as yelling at the kids and hitting them, or the way they teach things here, that I have grown to accept and understand their practices and teachings. I have come to understand why the handle the kids the way that the do. When the teachers yell at them, it isn't to be mean or out of frustration and anger necessarily, but when raising their voices, it gets the children attention more and when they talk like that, the children listen. So now, when I walk into the classrooms, I no longer have this strange feeling as to why the teachers are treating the children this way or in this teaching method. Being there over the past 2 months I have observed and come to understand their teaching methods and have accepted them. Sao Mai is a very organized school with already so many things such as financial support since I saw one of the patrons coming into class the other day asking the teachers if they had met their "p3 level" or something like that. I asked the teachers who he was and they said that he was one of the patrons and the one that sort of started and gave Sao Mai it's curriculum. I realize that the practices of Sao Mai have been established for such a long time and that if there was something ultimately wrong about it, or that the teachings weren't helpful to the students, then the school and all of the other schools in the districts would probably be shut down already. Therefore, I think that I have come to accept that Sao Mai as an efficient school and that it has to be doing things right if the school has been going on for a while and has many family who wants to send their children there.

I have also accepted my part in Sao Mai as well. When I come to volunteer, I know that my presence helps in watching over the children and doing little errands for them such as setting up tables and cleaning up. It isn't a lot of hard work or some great contribution on my part, but it is helpful in the classroom. I now mostly enjoy coming to class just to see the children and teacher and watching their progress on a weekly basis. I like to see the children who when I first came to volunteer that they couldn't say anything and now they are sounding out sounds and some of them even words. It is nice to see the teachers and children and just talk and interact with them. In doing this, I have accepted Sao Mai and I think the teachers have accepted me.

Service Learning Week 6?? or 7 - Exclusion and Inclusion

In the classroom that I help out in Sao Mai, there are definitely many different levels which the children are all mentally at. My 3 and 4 years old are all different with different mental capabilities. They range from the children who can barely hold attention, or listen to any authority and can only sit quietly. There are some who have the energy of a 4 year old and know nothing but running around without listening to authority. There are some who can listen to the teachers and sit there quietly but cannot comprehend anything. Then there are some who seem perfectly normal 4 years old to me. These ones are the ones who are more progressive in the speech training. All of my children are at the age where most normal children start speaking, 3-4 years old, however, my kids take are not at that level and so special teachers come in and work with them. Therefore, those who are farther along in their speech training are looked at as "smarter." These "smarter" children are the ones who are included in activities and get special snacks. While the other ones who's progress are slower are excluded. There is one boy who has the capabilities to say words and repeats after the teachers after a few trials who is also probably the worst trouble maker in class. All he does is steal other kids toys and runs around and never sits in his seats, however, the teachers are more lenient on him I would say because of his speaking progress. Another child who cannot speak at all, but is obedient and never causes trouble gives the teacher headaches when he cannot repeat such words as water. therefore, there is a separation between the excluded and included children. The children who can speak are included more in activities and are the ones the teachers love the most while the ones who cannot speak are excluded and are treated less lovingly. This makes me think that although Sao Mai is an effective organization, that its goals and progress are based on their own personal satisfaction. Teachers become proud when their students do well in school, so when a student does not do well, it makes the teachers look bad as well. therefore, the ones in my classroom who can speak are included more because the teachers thinks that this is a good reflection on their work. The children who are excluded are the ones the teachers feel that they fail at being a student and cannot learn. However, in my opinion, a truly great teacher can take the worst student regardless of any circumstances and teach them well enough to become the best student. Therefore, the teachers in Sao Mai should not show favoritism and exclude the children who cannot talk but instead, include them and work with them even more than the other ones to make them all better.

Service Learning Week 5: Organizational Structure

When thinking about what organizational structure means, I think of the hierarchy within the institution. i.e., who's in charge, who has to report to who, what are the different ranks. In Sao Mai, I would definitely say there is a hierarchy within the organizational structure.Within in my first few weeks of working there, there has already been one teacher who was switch out of the class to teach another one, and 2 new teachers that have come in to take her place with one leaving. Now my classroom consists of 3 teachers, 2 old and 1 new. The new teacher seemed to be as misplaced as I was when I entered. What exactly are we suppose to do, what are we here for, what are we suppose to teach. Us two basically did the same thing in where we sat with the children for a long time and just telling them to be quiet while the other two teachers taught. Just yesterday, she had the classroom all to herself so she was held responsible for the children. However, when I asked her how did she feel about teaching at Sao Mai, such as if it is difficult, she said that it wasn't for her because she had yet to teach any of the kids educational stuff. She wasn't allowed to teach them how to read or identify words yet, but rather just fun things such as playing with toys and putting away blankets or pillows. Nothing too hard. Seeing how the new teacher has developed and the steps that they take in training the teacher shows that there is a hierarchy in the system. The teachers take a long time to learn and new comers are not so easily accepted because they can quit at any minute just like the previous teacher. Therefore, this just reaffirms my belief that Sao Mai is very organized in that every teacher has to go through training and that they are not trusted with handling the educational part of the school until the other older teachers feel necessary. I feel that if that is the case, the hierarchy has a lot to do with how the teachers organize their classroom. As before in my other posts. Teachers do not exactly get to choose what to teach their children, but what the school and program tells them to teach. this is why probably us volunteers are very limited in what we are able to help with, I.e. teaching the children. We are not within their higher hierarchy system where we are trained to teach the children and within the little time we have here, we probably will not be able to reach that level. therefore, we have to come up with a way to put ourselves within that organizational structure so that we are needed and a valued member.

Service Learning: Week 4 - Public, Private, and Physical Space

In Sao Mai, every room has about three teachers to attend to 10-12 children. While the teachers have control over their children, it seems to me that there is not so much control in the classroom. The teachers follow the bells and schedule that Sao Mai sets up for them. Their daily routine isn't something that the teachers seem to pick, but more of what the whole school does. When the bell rings, it means it's time for studying, eating, sleeping, etc. The teachers don't get to decide what to with the children per say and that in itself, I think is something that needs to change. Each children in the classroom is at a different level and unique. Sometimes, when it's time to study or play, the children who arent't capable of playing seem to be left out. The other day when it was time to learn and the teachers focus on one kid at a time, the other children always seem to be really bored, or think it's time to go crazy. While that one child doesn't have the full attention from that teacher. Or what they are teaching the children, seems to be unnecessary. One time, the teachers were teaching children how to stack cups and one of the boys was already passed that and thought stacking cups was a waste of his time, so he started crying and wandering around. However, Sao Mai does offer private lesson to the special kids who do seem to be making a progress such as in speach. During certain times, another teacher will come in and take one of the children away for speech therapy. This makes me think that in terms of public space, the classroom is a public space and the children and teacher all share that one space. The term in itself gives the impression that the public space is something that should be shared and equal. The children in that classroom should all be treated the same and do things together and the same. But privately, the children do get private treatment. They go have individual lessons where I assume that teaching is done one on one and is more focused. So in that private space, the child is able to progress more. This makes the me think that although Sao Mai is a very structured and organized school, the classroom being a "public space" in my eyes is not as effective as it could be. The individual classes seem to garner more success. Also, thinking about Sao Mai in itself is a private school, only special students and the ones that have parents who can afford it, send their children their for their special needs. However, the classrooms being a public space do not actually have much focus on their children and their learning. It is only with the private lessons that their needs are more addressed.

Service Learning: Week 3 - Ethics

When I think of the word ethics, I think of certain behaviors that society deems acceptable, and not necessarily an individual. The word morals on the other hand, are the principles and values that an individual holds. In Sao Mai, the behavior of the teachers seem to be ethically acceptable, however it seems different from my own morals. In Sao Mai, teachers are a lot mor strict and physically aggressive to the children. Teachers would hit the children who around 2-4 years old with not just their hands, but flag poles and chopsticks. When I say hit, I don’t really mean that the teachers beat the shit out of the children, but it does seem really painful, to me at least. When the teachers hit the kids, it is often because the kids aren’t doing something like sitting down right, paying attention, or just crying. However, these behavior of the kids seem standard to me, and not just because they are disabled or mentally ill that they act like this. My kids seem just like normal kids to me, if I hadn’t known that Sao Mai was a school for special children with disabilities, I wouldn’t have known that the kids were any different than the ones I see on the street. Therefore, I wonder the punishment of hitting these kids is because they are special children and need to be handled more forcefully, or if it is just how Vietnamese in general handle any kids. Ethnically, is it wrong for these teachers to punish the children in Vietnamese culture or is it because in America, physical punishment is frowned upon that I think it is ethnically wrong? Once I saw the teacher coming after the kids with a chopstick, I was like “oh damn, that’s an Asian parent for ya.” Also, when I handle the children, I tend to handle them more gently than the teachers do. I do not drag a kid across the room in order for him to sit down, but rather instead just coax him into the chair. It’s hard for me to be forceful with the children, but if I’m not, it seems to make the teachers upset when I coddle them. But it’s against my morals to hit children. I wonder if what I am doing is something that the teachers do not like because in a way it is coddling the children, yet at the same time, they are children who just want to run around, talk crazy, and be held. What really makes them different from other children that the teachers need to handle them more forcefully? I use to think that we have to handle children with special needs more lightly and others, yet here in Sao Mai, they handle them stricter. What is the better method? What is more ethically correct?

Service Learning: Week 2 - Relationships

The second week at Sao Mai, things got a lot better. Firstly, one of the teachers who use to work in the classroom left to another class and she wasn't really welcoming to volunteers, so it made the environment a bit lighter now. Secondly, the new teachers were a lot more helpful and seemed excited to have a Vietnamese-American helper. Also, there was a new teaacher, who is my age and just started working there 4 days ago. Even though she was a new comer, I could hardly tell that she had just started working there. The other teachers treated her as an equal and not like some newbie. So it was nice having both of us there together. This shows that the relationship at sao mai is a close one I believe. There has to be a close knit relationship between the teachers at Sao Mai because there are 3 or 4 teachers to one classroom. The teachers have to cooperate with each other and understand each other in order to handle the kids. Sitting there, getting to know the teachers and them getting to know me, we talk about where we're from, growing up, the differences between America and Vietnam, and if we have boyfriends or not. Talking with them, was just like having girl talk haha. They were asking me if i would rather have a Vietnamese husband or an American one, and i said whichever one had more money. And then, that I would teach them English so they can go get a rich American husband while they help me with my Vietnamese. Being with the teachers, I feel the relationship with each other is pretty solid.

With the children, all the teachers know their names in the classroom and the names of the childrens who are not. Often, teachers would come in and out of the classroom just to say hi to the kids. The kids seem to grow with the teachers and the teachers all know the preferences and how the kids interact with each other.

Service Learning: Week 1 - Language and Communication

Language and Communication:

Working at Sao Mai where there are often many “one-day” helpers, the communication around there seems to be lacking. When I was showed to my classroom, one of the teachers was talking in Vietnamese saying how she didn’t want a non-speaking Vietnamese person in the classroom and that they should go to another classroom. However, Chi Phuong said that I could understand and speak Vietnamese so I could work there. Going into the classroom, there were 3 teachers, each with their own set of children, but the classroom overall encompasses all the children and the teachers. They get into groups and teach them things such as how to brush their teeth, wash their hands, play with toys. The communication to the children is in Vietnamese of course and the children can understand. Sitting in the separate groups, sometimes the teachers will be talking to the children, directing them, while talking to the other teachers as well. They would often sing songs with the children while they look at each other and talking about the children’s progress. The teachers communicate effectively with each other and to the children.  In cases of outsiders in the classroom, such as me, they have minimal conversations with them. They are usually told to help out by showing what they want to do instead of telling which seems to be normal since the school has a lot of non-Vietnamese speakers’ volunteers every now and then. However, during breaks and group changes, the teachers would gradually ask me questions about myself like where I’m from, my parents, school, etc.  But most of the attention was on the kids.

The language that was used in the classroom besides Vietnamese was body language. Trying to get the children to do things, the teacher would perform them first with the students mimicking them afterwards. Often, the teachers would be talking to each other about something that would sound serious, but in a happy and care-free tone as they would talk to children. They would talk to each other in the same manner they would talk to the children as a way of letting the children have a happy and understanding environment. The body language they use is always in a positive way with winks, smiles, and hugs. There are is a lot of body contact and holding of the children than I expected because I thought they wouldn’t want to coddle the children, but it doesn’t really matter I think because they are still children who need to be coddle. Hopefully in the next few weeks, I can communicate with the teachers in the same manner that they communicate with each other and integrate myself into the classroom and not just some one-time volunteer.